I, Carl Loid, am Now Emo (I’m So Sorry)

I, the universally hated, despised, and rejected Carl Loid, have decided that factors I cannot control have necessitated that I go emo. I shall now grab my eyeliner, throw on my black skinny jeans, and turn on My Chemical Romance.

Bah, emo’s are silly. Plus, I have no reason to be depressed, I have the best readers any blogger has ever had the honor of having their work read by. But today I will be listening to My Chemical Romance.

Firstly, however, I must get into the emo mindset. I had a terrible, horrible week. I went out with my friends, but my friends hate me. My dog tried to console me but she hates me too. My own parents probably hate me. I’m Not Okay. Alright, that should be sufficient.

Welcome to the Black Parade is the song we’re going to be listening to today. Honestly, I think the hardest part of writing this review will be to not fall completely victim to throwing in thousands of emo stereotypes.

“When I was a young boy”

Being young is honestly the last time emo’s will remember being happy. Apparently, according to thousands of commenters on Youtube, being emo is not just a phase. Being miserable and overdramatic is a lifelong profession. It’s called being a politicia- I mean an emo.

“My father took me into the city”

Whoa, this guy has a FATHER? Probably hates his son anyway.

“To see a marching band

He said, “Son when you grow up

Would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?”

Man lemme tell you somethin. Moping around and plotting suicide ain’t gonna save the damned. I find it funny that this “emo anthem” is encouraging a bunch of lazy mopers to go out and make a difference in the world.

“He said, "Will you defeat them?

Your demons, and all the non-believers

The plans that they have made?"

Gotta defeat them demons baby, get em all out. They’re what’s stopping you of course.

"Because one day, I'll leave you a phantom

To lead you in the summer

To join the black parade"

(Side note, I am REALLY having trouble trying to write a serious review. I give up.)

“Sometimes I get the feelin'

She's watchin' over me

And other times I feel like I should go”

I dunno how anyone can watch over someone with eyeliner clogging their eyes. Plus, if you’re emo, you’ve probably already committed suicide. Dead people can’t see.

“And through it all, the rise and fall

The bodies in the streets

And when you're gone, we want you all to know”

The bodies of dead emo’s litter the street.

“We'll carry on, we'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone, believe me

Your memory will carry on”

Praying to the spirits aye? Lettin’ em know you’re trying to get everyone to kill themselves because dead emos are lonely too? (UPDATE: at this point I’ve totally lost it, I’m lucky this review is designated as a joke)

Honestly my friends, this “review” was the result of a long week. I was feeling a little emo myself, and decided I’d make a laugh out of it. I hope it made you chuckle. I’ll probably look back at it and cringe at myself because of it, but unlike the emo’s, I am going to live a little and hit publish.