LOID: WELP.

Here goes nothing, folks. I, Carl Loid, am attempting to narrow down hundreds upon hundreds of rock bands into a top-20 ranking. Please, don’t try and get me to rank the Beatles on this list, as I personally don’t like them and they’re always #1 on these band rank lists.

This list is totally subjective, and while I tried to judge these bands by their musical talent as well as popularity, my idea of musical talent might be a bit different from yours. Feel free to flame me or make your own list if you disagree with mine.

20. The Police

Every little song they make is magic, baby.

19. Aerosmith

Janie’s Got a Gun…Nuff said. Aerosmith is pretty iconic, and Steven Tyler honestly kinda looks like a pirate. Sick.

18. Kansas

In terms of classic rock, you can’t get much better than Kansas, what can I say.

17. Bon Jovi

What’s not to love about Bon Jovi? Speaking of love…you give love a bad name. Oh, that’s a song of his, isn’t it?

16. Guns’N’Roses

Guns’N’Roses, the heavy rock group constantly high on something or other. Whatever their formula for making music is, it worked well enough to get them on this list.

15. Fleetwood Mac.

Fleetwood Mac is one of those bands that sounds like it belongs in any time period you place it. Can’t complain about that.

14. U2

Aw, I love U2.

13. Foo Fighters

Dave Grohl.

12. Green Day

Personally one of my favorite rock groups. Their distinctive sound is energetic and exciting and their three-piece arrangement leaves plenty of space for each instrument to be heard loud and clear.

11. AC/DC

Despite some complaining that “every AC/DC song has the same four chords” and blah blah blah, there’s no doubt that AC/DC has earned its place among some of the best rock bands of all time.

10. Nirvana

Their sound smells like teen spirit. Very raw and hard, yet somehow enjoyable.

9. Journey

I don’t think this list could be complete without Journey on it, that wouldn’t feel right.

8. The Bee Gees

yes.

7. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are freefalling into the seventh spot.

6. The Who

Yeah that’s right, The Who are here.

You: Wait, The Who is on this list?

I just said The Who is on this list, yes.

HONORABLE MENTIONS.

Alright before we get to the top five let me just throw down all the bands I love but didn’t think quite made the cut.

Red Hot Chili Peppers

ZZ Top

Blink-182

Pearl Jam Paramore

Lynyrd Skynyrd

Twisted Sister

Genesis

Rage Against the Machine

The Offspring

Weezer

The Killers

5. Toto

Dorothy’s little dog made it on this list, not sure how but oh well.

4. Rush

Pretty impossible not to have at least one Rush song on your playlist, in my opinion. After all, they capture the Spirit of The Radio.

3. Boston

In terms of pure talent, I think Boston almost leads the two bands I put ahead of it on this list. “More Than a Feeling” is so timeless I could almost believe it was released last week.

2. Led Zeppelin

Sick guitar sound, impeccable drumming on the part of John Bonham, an iconic name and undoubtedly some of the best rock songs ever made are all trademarks of Led Zeppelin. Doesn’t get much better than that…

1. Queen

…But if it did, it’d come in the form of a band named Queen. Disagree. I dare you. Queen is even more iconic than Led Zeppelin, literally everyone knows a song or two of theirs. Their talent for music is stunning, and their popularity doesn’t fall far behind. Well done, Queen. Carl Loid approves of you. You are the best rock band of all time.

And there you have it. It was a bit painful to eliminate so many fabulous rock bands from this list, but I can’t give a participation trophy to everyone.