Well friends, if you’ve read basically any of my work, you know that I’m not necessarily inclined to praise the current state of American pop music. Granted, not all of it is flaming garbage, and yes, I do indeed find plenty of pop songs that are catchy and enjoyable, but…The nominees for Song of the Year this time around don’t quite make the list. So today I thought I’d rate said nominees from worst to best, the best being my pick for Song of the Year.
Firstly, here’s the official lineup from the Grammys website. I don’t believe the nominee spots are in any particular order, but obviously, the winner is “Leave the Door Open” by Silk Sonic. Then we have “Kiss Me More” by Doja Cat, “Peaches” by Justin Bieber, “Right on Time” by Brandi Carlile, “Montero” by Lil Nas X, “Happier Than Ever” by Billie Eilish, “Fight For You” by H.E.R., “Drivers License” by Olivia Rodrigo, “A Beautiful Noise” by Alicia Keys, and “Bad Habits” by Ed Sheeran. Or at least, that’s their lineup. Below is my lineup, starting with what is, in my opinion, the worst song, and ending with my pick for winner of this year’s Grammys. I’ll be grading on three criteria: Lyrics, melody, and originality. And then I’ll just give my own personal bias for or against the song because I like hearing myself talk.
10. Montero - Lil Nas X
Well folks, that’s right. “Montero” completely sucks. Thus, it’s my pick for the worst song of the year. Lyrically, it’s a complete sin fest. With lines like “You're cute enough to f*** with me tonight” and “I'm not fazed, only here to sin,” it’s honestly impossible for me to justify a Christian choosing to listen to the dirty version of the song. While a clean version of this song would, without a doubt, offer some slight justification, it’s nowhere near enough to make me recommend this song to anyone, or even rate it any higher on this list. The undertone of the song is homosexuality, the music video for “Montero” features Lil Nas X sliding down a stripper pole into hell, and his voice in the song itself is honestly pretty gross. The melody of the song gives off addictive Middle Eastern vibes, but it really sounds like a typical pop song. The song has little to no redeeming values, and for that reason, it has bottomed out on my list.
Lyrics: 1/10
Melody: 3/10
Originality: 1/10
9. Kiss Me More - Doja Cat
And now, friends, we have come to a very slight improvement over “Montero.” The good thing about “Kiss Me More” is that it’s actually listenable, at least, from a melodic standpoint. Lyrically, it’s just as bad as “Montero,” but at least it’s describing a relationship between a man and a woman, and not one between a man and a man. Melodically, “Kiss Me More” is much better than “Montero,” however, it gets repetitive and barely has any originality. If Doja Cat didn’t have to use an F-bomb every other line and bothered to hold to some sense of decency when writing the lyrics to “Kiss me More,” then it would actually be a pretty decent song. However, as it is, “Kiss me More” is doomed to ninth place.
Lyrics: 1/10
Melody: 5/10
Originality: 3/10
8. Bad Habits - Ed Sheeran
Alright friends, I have a confession: I kinda hate Ed Sheeran. His songs lack any originality, always follow the same dull layout, and are always written on the same stupid topic. I know that pop music in general sounds pretty much the same, but Ed Sheeran is the worst offender. And Bad Habits is definitely not an exception. Lyrically, the song is actually decent. Profanity doesn’t marr it, nor is it overly sensual, so props to Sheeran for releasing a song I’d play around my siblings. However, melodically…Melodically, I want to shake Ed Sheeran by the shoulders and tell him to make something original. The song is just boring. And while I suppose that my boredom with this song could come from my own music taste gravitating towards heavier, more exciting music (I’m listening to “Bite Me” by Avril Lavigne as I write this sentence) there’s no doubt in my mind that “Bad Habits” is the most cookie-cutter, mass manufactured pop song on this list.
Lyrics: 5/10
Melody: 1/10
Originality: 1/10
7. Peaches - Justin Bieber
“I get my peaches from Georgia…” Yeah, that song. That’s “Peaches'' by Justin Bieber. The earworm melody stuck in my head for three weeks after I first heard this song, so obviously it’s a decent melody. Biebs’ voice is silky smooth, as usual, but it’s pretty obvious that his producers pushed as much autotune on the track as they could before he started to sound like a robot. Lyrically, the song is cute. “And I say, oh, there's nothing like your touch.
It's the way you lift me up, yeah. And I'll be right here with you 'til the end” is pretty darn adorable, even I must admit. However, the chorus kind of ruins the lovey vibes. It seems pretty unrelated to the song and Bieber’s use of profanity doesn’t help things. As far as originality goes, the song isn’t a dumpster fire, but it’s not a shimmering tower of light either. In conclusion, it’s okay. Just kind of “meh.” Lyrics: 3/10 Melody: 4/10 Originality: 4/10
6. A Beautiful Noise - Alicia Keys “A Beautiful Noise” starts out with the same old over-played piano chords. Boringggg. IT barely picks up at all and I personally can’t stand Alicia Keys’ voice. But, now that I’ve complained, there are some good parts to the song. At times, the harmony between Keys and Brandi Carlile is stunning. The lyrics are clean and non-sensual, although the song does seem to center on the neverending “fight” for the rights of “oppressed” African Americans. I honestly don’t really get the point of the song, it doesn’t feel like music but more like a declaration of self-importance. But, compared to the previous songs on this list, there is a certain quality to it. Lyrics: 5/10 Melody: 2/10 Originality: 3/10
5. Fight for You - H.E.R. “Fight for You” has a Afro-Cuban feel to it, with nice acoustic percussion elements and a good bass line. H.E.R. has a nice voice, but “Fight for You” really sounds too much like every other pop song ever made. While the song isn’t boring, it’s also not catchy and it’s really pretty average, thus it makes sense that I’d place it at the #5 spot. Lyrics: 4/10 Melody: 5/10 Originality: 4/10
4. Right on Time - Brandi Carlile Now, in all honesty, I had never heard of this song before I saw it on the Grammy nom list. However, it’s actually a decent song. Even though it drags at first, the beautiful piano at the start does make up for that. Carlile has a pretty good voice, which she uses to apologize for wronging her former lover. At times, it almost reminded me of “Oh Holy Night.” There’s really not much to say about this song, there’s not a whole lot to it. However, the lyrics are clean, and although the melody is boring, Carlile did alright with originality. Lyrics: 6/10 Melody: 5/10 Originality: 3/10
3. Leave the Door Open - Silk Sonic
With a band name like “Silk Sonic,” you might think that “Leave the Door Open” is a silky smooth song. And you’d be right. With Bruno Mars as frontman, Silk Sonic definitely has a place in the pop music game. I am happy to say that “Leave the Door Open” doesn’t sound like it was made on a computer, there are no profanities in the song, and although the lyrics have a slight sexual undertone, it’s pretty tolerable. The song gives off a lazy feel, which is pretty nice, but it gets repetitive after the 3:30 mark. Lyrics: 5/10 Melody: 6/10 Originality: 6/10
2. Happier than Ever - Billie Eilish When I’m writing this review, I’m happier than ever…Wish I could explain it better. I had to do some lame wordplay with the lyrics of “Happier than Ever” so I guess that’s it. Good news, however. Starting with this song, we have reached the “tolerable” pop songs. Songs that I would be willing to listen to for my own enjoyment and not just for a review. So I’m happy about that. The song starts with just Eilish and her ukelele, and stays like that for quite a while. It gives me the feeling that I’m floating along the river in a little boat with my girlfriend experimenting with new songs. Or at least, until the song picks up. That’s when the boat flips over and I start drowning in a wave of epic distortion and powerful lyrics. Being a celebrity can create a lot of bottled up emotion and in “Happier Than Ever,” it’s like Eilish is trying to contain herself for the first few minutes of the song, and then all that’s inside her boils over and she slams her head against the wall in a moment of extreme emotion. As such, the song’s lyrics contain a couple of F words, but I believe that is forgivable and can also be easily remedied with a clean version. The overall theme of the song isn’t sensual, which I find refreshing, and Eilish honestly kept the song pretty authentic. It’s by no means something I’d listen to every day, but if it came up on my playlist once in a while, I wouldn’t mind.
Lyrics: 6/10 Melody: 7/10 Originality: 6/10
Alright folks, here we go. Now I get to make a fool of myself by saying that the best song out of this year’s list of Grammy-nominated songs is in fact…
1. Drivers License - Olivia Rodrigo
Yeah, yeah. I know, I wrote about this song and was really pretty critical. But, as much as I hate to say it, out of this year’s group of nominees, “Driver’s License” wins. The lyrics aren’t sexual, and Rodrigo, although she may be a little self-obsessed, does write from a place of genuine pain and it seeps through into the lyrics, silly as they are. Rodrigo’s voice is…stunning, to put it frankly. The melody of the song is catchy and emotional, and the originality is ten times better than any other song on this list. So, comparatively speaking, Driver’s License has to win. No, I am not feeling a little sheepish right now. My former opinion on it stands, but I could write worse things about the other songs on this list.
Well folks, that’ll do it. Tell me in the comments what song you would choose for Song of the Year, doesn’t matter if it’s in the list above or not.
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